I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize