i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
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I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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