what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
