1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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