So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
