i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
