I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
