I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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