Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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