It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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