have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
