super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
