very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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