my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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