So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
