jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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