you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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