I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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