All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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