just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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