my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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