I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
