If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
