You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
