It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
