I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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