the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
