i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
