In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Everclear isn't food dammit
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.