just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
