Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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