The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.