apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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