Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
