im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
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dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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