Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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