were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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