Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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