You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
