yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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