i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
