Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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