where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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