He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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