better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
