just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
