I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
