Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
