Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
