So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well you can't waste a boner
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
