What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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