You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
