toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
