Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Randomize
