I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
