If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
