I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
