sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
