she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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