On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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