just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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