I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
