So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
