his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
