Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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