How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
