how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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