i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We are all done wearing pants today
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