I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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