So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic