belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out